In the middle of my life's adventure...

beautiful...

2009-05-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

When the rain is blowing in your face,
and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
to make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
and there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
to make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
but I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
and on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
you ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
to make you feel my love

reasons...

2009-04-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

i am happy to have the family i have, i am happy to be where i am, i am happy to learn one thing everyday, i am happy to help when i can, i am happy to love, i am happy to be 23....

to open up my heart....

2009-04-09T01:13:00.001-07:00

to open up my heart for you...it ain't easy, but i'd sure like to try....

alltid dig nära...

2009-04-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

Låt mig alltid få leva nära
nära ditt hjärta och nära din famn
vår längtan den skall bära
oss över de svåraste haven i land
kom låt oss vandra ut
i en kärlek som aldrig tar slut....

dagens läxa....

2009-03-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

what i learned today...never get too excited on something....i am sooo angry on myself for always being this overidelistic person that thinks that everything should go as planned, or that sometimes things are easy...
you never know how it's going to turn out and therefore why put your hopes up....they just fall back from waaaay too high...
oh well...throwing away these idealistic thoughts with a warm shower, tea and a wonderful week...:)

help...

2009-03-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

it's impossible to climb the big mountain alone...you need that helping hand that offers to reach out when you're in need...together is everything, alone is nothing....

love and romance..

2009-03-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

yes i did it...i read twilight in one day....after being totally skeptical about it and refusing to read it i made it..and i couldn't leave the book from my hands for a whole day...
now the first volume is finished and i still want to read more...
however the book made me think about love and romance..one of the reasons i liked it so much is that some of the feelings she describes in the book i have defintely felt at some point in my life...
and there the big question comes...is there such a thing as the outmost romance...so perfect as it becomes cheesy? and the obvious answer is no....we are too caught up today in playing games and are so twisted into our day to day reality to remember how it feels to be deeply, unconditionally and irrevocably in
love with someone... we are defintetly not romantic anymore...
romance sometimes scares...of course no one of us is perfect and if we end up looking for the right one we might spend all our life in the search...we don't want to scare the one we want with too much romance right?

when we are inlove we get sometimes so scared not only by using romance but also about admitting that we arebecause we don't want to get hurt in the end...
i find nothing wrong with exposing feelings...i don't understand why the world sometimes sets this limits on what we should/could/ought to do...
everyone should have the right to stretch for his own happiness however cheesy it sounds and not be afraid...feelings are so hard to understand so why try to set limits?

oh yes...i am going to sleep tonight with a cup of hot chocolate and dream away about my own dose of romance....

spring outside, spring inside...

2009-03-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

today was a absolutely lovely spring day! spring has set it's foot in england and this time it is here to stay hopefully!

birds sing, the sun warms up the faces and hearts of people and it's hard not to smile and stept back and enjoy it!

in spring our body comes back to life, our minds are awakened and our hearts...our hearts just flourish more than ever...

i love spring...i just love the feeling that everything turns back to life, there is a joyful hope about spring and about the flourishing hearts...

and i am not going to do anything bout it..just lay back and enjoy!

worries and hopes...

2009-03-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

there is one thing on my learn how list...stop worrying so much and stop overthinking too much...
i don't really know how to do that? how can you change something that is so typically you in essence? it's always the same story that can be described as following: i worry about a certain thing, my heart becomes this tiny piece and it feels like it could crawl under a carpet until the thing that i worry about could dissapear completely and then after the outcome i notice that i worried way too much or that the outcome anyhow wasn't how i had expected it to be...that's basically it...

now this little figurative images applies to a looot of situations of course..and yes sometimes worry is good cuz it's a sign that something is maybe not going as it should...
while i am writing this i am actually worried about a lot of things: the outcome of my huge spring breaktrip, the applications for the master programmes, future....
i know that we can never say how the future develops and i am not trying to do that as last time has showed that you should NEVER say never indeed...but maybe i can make some wishes and hope a lot a lot a lot that they will come true and that the worries are in vain...

so yes, hoping hoping hoping and stop worrying...

being inlove...

2009-03-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

being inlove doesn't care about how many times you've been dissapointed because this doesn't manage to affect it...

being inlove takes a great deal of time and passion from your life but it's one of the most beautiful and rewarding feelings...

being inlove is being afraid that you'll lose the one you love before you have a chance to show how much you care...

being inlove is not about playing the game, it makes you mess up the rules of the game and at the end of the day you stop playing that and be yourself...

being inlove implies that at one point in time, the person you're inlove with is going to see the real you, not a positively modified version of yourself...just you...with your flaws and talents, with your bad parts and your good parts....there is no escape...

being inlove makes you open that doors you thought you would never open and let that person in...

being inlove means sometimes missing someone so bad that you would do anything to be together...

being inlove is not always about something definite like dating, relationships or whatever state....it's sometimes impossible to set in a certain cathegory...it is just being inlove!

being inlove is hurtful but being inlove is simply beautiful...

the english adventure...

2009-02-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

it's been almost one month of the english adventure this week! a month full with novelties: moving into a house with new people and sharing it, making new friends, beginning new courses, a lot of new travelling, new feelings, new ways of maintaining contact with the dear ones.. and the list could go on and on....

there are so many impressions of this one month that i would probably have to write a lot of pages only on it...instead i want to say that i do like it..even if there were times when i badly wanted back....i was missing people, the ones dear, my family...especially having my parents around even if they had been just a call away...now they are just a skype-call away....

i;ve grew to appreciate my mornings, the wake up call that one of my housemates always gives me when i do sleep too much and i would be late for school...the habit of always eating together..it's fantastic...smell of fresh coffee in the morning and just knowing that hej..you are not alone..someone else likes breakfast company...and let's be serious..who likes to eat alone...i don't!

the girls i've met here are the sweetest...i don't know what have i done without them...i tend to get very comfortable and when i feel ok i stop looking for people..which is probably not good...but i like them...and getting away for spring break is actually going to be hard....we've had pretty good laughs...

i study a lot of political philosophy and i love it...i was actually wondering why haven';t i done something like that before....

travelling....oh yes! i said in a earlier blog that i was going to travel as much as i can...and i did actually!! was already in amsterdam and paris and plan dublin and a bit more...romania for spring break...

i try to keep contact with the people back home...but it;s hard...sometimes you get absorbed into everything here....and even if i might seem that i am forgetting some people i am not! just so you know i am thinking at everyone of you!

love to you....

puss o kram!

ps: even if this is not like the other blogs i've written i really wanted to have an update about what has happened...

valentine's day...

2009-02-14T08:16:00.000-08:00

any day can become valentine's day as long as you appreciate the one near you...it can be a whole week, a whole month, just a night or just a walk...it doesn't matter...because it's about appreciating feelings that you receive and giving back....

so it should feel like valentine's other days right?

waiting for valentine's....

missing....

2009-02-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

tonight i am in a terrible missing everything mood and it's not only the faraway feeling because of England...
i hate being alone...that's one thing that i haven't been able to adjust to throughout these years....
i don't understand why life plays with us in such twisted ways and there is always a bad timing for something...i don't understand why in the end we end up being alone in way or another...
how far are we allowed to dream? if we dream too much than the wake-up call to reality will be too painful and being hurt is nothing desirable...
i miss all the special people in my life and i miss my family..especially now when the future is hard to foresee...hard to see when will we be together again, hard not to think at them....don't want to be alone...

new turn of the road...

2009-02-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

at the beginnings of this blog the road had led me to sweden....
at present the road has led me to England....it has been quite a challange all the way and i loved every moment of it even if i had my tough moments like anyone of us...
england...i've been here a week and i like it...so far..
i think every beginning is quite difficult before you get in a real life, make friends and make your own way...
it takes always time and question is that you cannot become too dependant either cuz it;s only for 4 months...so live the moment, lay back and enjoy..that's just it...

afraid..

2009-01-19T16:08:00.000-08:00

how do you do when you are afraid? afraid that something is going to happen and take away that comfy feeling that you have....uncertainty makes one afraid...but is it better to be miserable and thus not afraid...hmm...one of life's dilemmma...
at the end of the day..what's the worst that can happen....

disappointed...

2009-01-15T02:52:00.001-08:00

yes..i am disappointed...and i have been for hundred times now...i just have to keep reminding me that i don't need this.....

disappointed...

absolutely inlove with it...

2009-01-05T03:13:00.001-08:00

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels,
but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a tinkling symbol.

And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.

And if I dole out all my goods, and
if I deliver my body that I may boast
but have not love, nothing I am profited.

Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.

It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.
It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth

It covers all things,
it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things,
it endures in all things.

Love never falls in ruins;
but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or
tongues, they will cease; or
knowledge, it will be superseded.

For we know in part and we prophecy in part.

But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will be superseded.

When I was an infant,
I spoke as an infant,
I reckoned as an infant;

when I became [an adult],
I abolished the things of the infant.

For now we see through a mirror in an enigma, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know as also I was fully known.

But now remains
faith, hope, love,

these three;

but the greatest of these is love....

stop time...

2009-01-04T11:42:00.001-08:00

two days before i am supposed to hand in my bachelor thesis...only two days....
i want to stop time.....i want to stop and cry out to the world about how i feel...the enormous amount of feelings that are in my heart now....fear, anger, desperation, uncertainty, hope, anxiousness, sadness, love...
and i cannot cry it out because there is no time for that...no time for me...who says it's going to be after that? it's only a couple of weeks left...no time no time no time....but i can't really just ignore all these feelings...i can't leave here without these settled out in some way...any way...is there a way? don't think so....and why does everything have to happen in the worse timing ever? why? why is it always that life gives us a frustrating lesson that some things cannot be controlled...they just happen....you want it or not....

if i at least knew....but i don't....

I Just Can't Live A Lie....

2009-01-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away

Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?
And all about the good times that we've been through
Could I wake up without you every day?
Would I let you walk away?

No, I can't learn to live without
And I can't give up on us now

[Chorus]
Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

Ohh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Ohh, and I don't wanna try

Ohhhh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

I just can't live a lie

But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Oh, I cant live a lie...

and maybe i don't want to....

never say never...

2008-12-31T01:22:00.000-08:00

Recently came back from romania…and if I learned one thing from this short trip back home is that I will never say never again...cuz some things are just meant to happen…and when they do stop trying to stop them or fight them…cuz they will happen anyways in one way or another...and you may end up happier if you don’t go against your feelings…
Yes one could argue that emotions should be restrained cuz it’s not always the best way to follow the heart…but hello! If you don’t live after your emotions…do you really live? and who says which is the best way? That is one question…

No regrets…

hope....

2008-12-19T03:56:00.001-08:00

there is hope...

too feel vulnerable...

2008-12-17T05:57:00.000-08:00

how vulnerable can one be when it comes to feelings....
some say it's better not to talk about delicate matters but i can't do that cuz i feel that it becomes such a greater burden if you go on and ignore it....
and then you open up, and that doesn't necessarily make it easier...it makes you feel vulnerable and scared....

tillbakablick...

2008-12-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

i began my swedish experience two and a half years ago....back then i had no idea how would this end up, that i was going to stay a bit more than i expected..:)
it is a challenge when you move to a new place and you want to meet people and be social and build up your world and it often takes more time than you expect...
i will always remember some of my beginning moments and the choire VUSK has represented a lot in my life here....
if it hadn't been for it i wouldn't have met all these wonderful people that are in my life in different ways...it's been a difficult journey and whenever i needed help one of them was there....
we have had the most amazing parties together, the best concerts and beautiful atmosphere that one could ever imagine...
yesterday was the christmas party which was also my last party with the choire...and on the way home i began to cry like a baby....it was a night full of emotions :) but i realized that it was also happy tears....for all this time, all the marvelous mondays that will never be the same without the choire...

i stand here in front of a new road that has just opened up and i am anxious and curios and happy, but in the same time i cannot help thinking of all the things and people that i am going to miss....

you will be in my heart....

the call...

2008-12-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..

absolutely true and beautiful...

communication is the key!

2008-12-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

this is almost worth a new blog for today :) hihi....
i learned a really really good lesson this last week...that communication is the key to success in anything, wheater it's about a discussion with your significant other, a delicate matter with your friends or maybe just find out the answer to a delicate question...
we can go on and on trying to analyze and overanalyze and get really really crazy not being able to come to understanding..and the answer is most often there just waiting for you to take up courage and put a question....
you maybe already know the answer...but maybe you don't! so why continue wondering??
of course the level of adrenaline goes waaaay beyond normal levels...but after that..you feel soooo relieved that it is definetely worthwhile...
dare to try...it's not thaaat hard...and it can be good...and for people who don't appreciate it...well..they will eventually when they realize that it's sooo much more stressful to wonder around...
it can be the end of countless wonders, the solution to a stressful problem, the beginning of a beautiful friendship or God only knows what you make of it!

to believe....

2008-12-08T05:10:00.000-08:00

sometimes the dearest friends remind you that you should continue believing in your own dreams even if they seem faaar-fetched and hard to make them into reality.....
but i will be damned if i give up...not now when i am sooooo close to get it done....
and next year i will have the loved ones in my new home...or else i wouldn't be miruna...

keep believing and don't give up!

there is nothing more beautiful than caring....

2008-12-06T02:26:00.000-08:00

i was actually surprised by a lot of things these last two days....
one of them was too see how much i do mean for people....and how much they mean to me....
yesterday at about 11.30 my mom calls and we sit a bit and talk and i was kinda sad that their car had a problem so we would see eachother next year...literally...cuz i am going home for christmas....oh....it's complicated....more about christmas in a future blog....
and then i hang up and feel a bit sad, as i said and in 5 minutes the phone rings again......hey miru? look we've thought about it and we come anyways over just for saturday cuz we can't really not see you until next year....
and that's when i felt....all this trouble, all these things that we have fought for under the last period it's ALL worth it! cuz having someone who loves you and cares about you is one of the best gifts anyone could wish for on Saint Nikolas day!
it makes life just suddenly much more positive! and of course...i have no idea if this adventure will continue like this..or what will happen in a few months....but hey...it doesn't really matter as long as we have eachother and they are just a phone-call away....

no i am just going to be happy and dance the joydance a bit! :):)
luv you and hope for a nice Saint Nikolas day!

tears...

2008-12-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

have you ever been impresed by something to tears?
i am person who actually cries a lot but sometimes there is nothing more beautiful than in a weird way the so called happy tears....
i dunno how to explain the feeling...it's the feeling that that something feels so wonderful that you burst into tears....
and tears can't lie....they are one of the most beautiful proofs of the fact that we are humans and sensitive to things that we do care about....

and we are going to care about even if the reality sometimes is giving us hard times....

we make our own reality tough...

being your own arbiter...

2008-12-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

in class today we talked about arbitrary decisions....two parties have this problem and they let an unbiased arbiter decide what they should do....

this arbiter doesn't have any laws according to which it should decide but only what is the best resolution out of the reality at stake...

it made me wonder how sometimes we would really need a personal arbiter....someone who could decide for us in certain matters what is to be done and what is to be avoided. i know this might sound crazy but how many times have we not been able to sleep because of a certain problem? or tries to figure out a resolution we never come to in the end?

some would argue...the arbiter can't know better about my life....but sometimes utopically speaking an unbiased opinion would be fantastic!

utopically again, cuz this is impossible and at the end of the day we ourselves are our own little arbiter that puts the negative and positive issues of a problem and choses what to do about it....

now between the heart and the mind which struggle all the time about which should be the arbiter, well that is way to complicated for one to decide...as long as it is professional - the mind is of greater help as long as its personal it is the heart...

but this simple rule fails so damn constantly that we end up in square one....
and then what to do?

hire an well-trained and profesionally skilled arbiter i would suggest!

good luck!

just simple...

2008-12-03T10:34:00.001-08:00

have you ever been inlove with a song for some time that you haven't been able to take it out from the winamp playing list?
i think this is the most simple and absolutely fabulous song in a long time...sometimes music can say so much with so little....
hope that some day i will be able to put out my own song and play the keyboard for hours like in old times....

it was love at first sight (hear) between me and anna ternheim :)

one thing that was missing...

2008-12-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

you know when you think back at the last year or so...maybe it is because it is december and i am trying to figure out my new year's resolutions + my christmas secret wish list....

hihi...well those lists would defintely be tooooo long...just kidding....
anyways, the one thing that was actually missing this year was travelling...my whole life has been just a huge travelling phase, travelling with my parents when i was a kid, touring around with the choire back home thorough the whole Europe, international language schools, sweden...which ended up moving here....

i don't really want to move somewhere else...but i miss seeing places, going and fooling around on the streets with dear ones, just enjoying the feelings that that particular place offers....
i'm not so much a tourist type, rather a "feeling the place" type...i love to walk around and just look around...

therefore i was thinking that next spring will mean a whole lot of travelling worthy of saving some money for:

england: i really want to explore everything about it and make tours all the way to ireland! london - it has to be absolutely fantastic....
italy: rome will not be missed and napoli...
france: some of my dearest friends will be there!
maroko: here i come...i will have to fresh up the little but valuable arabic i can!
sweden : oh yes, i do have to come back and visit some dear people in my short holiday :):)
US: last but not least...NEW YORK!! 6 months more without my sister and it's unbearable...

haha....when i look back at the list, it's pretty long and it's pretty utopic....
but hey...what are dreams for?

make dreams reality....

terrible headache...

2008-12-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

well from all the thoughts that flow through my mind, the stress and the tones of things to fix i ended up having a huge headache today...

i guess one should tell himself more often, take a deep breath and relax...there is no need to stress out.....or yes...there is...there are only 3 weeks left and i still feel completely paralyzed regarding this thesis...

in need for a helping hand....

over and out...

en glass av rodvin på en lördag kväll...

2008-11-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

i am looking at this red wine glass....does the truth lies in it? i dunno...defintetly not my point to sort it out....
am just raising this glass to all the fine moments i've lived in these last 3 years almost...seems completely insane how everything can change in just a short time....and yes some people never cease to surprise me and show me that it is really meant to be around in their life....

i was reading the first posts from when i moved here and i can hardly recognize myself in them...
now i am dreaming at my own place and dreaming of the life that stands and waits just around the corner...what will it bring? hmmm...i dunno and i don't even dare to think....i have the plans all sorted out but how to make it happen..hmm...keep on walking and fighting i guess...

the thing is that i never want to say that i regret something of the last 2 months in this period....not one thing....we will see how that goes....

cheers and skål to a absolutely fabulous time in my life!

being afraid to dissapoint....

2008-11-27T12:59:00.000-08:00

have you been afraid to disspoint? afraid to dissapoint your friends, your family and everyone.....everyone that trusts in you and has the high hopes and still you can't fail to dissapoint them at some point...

i am afraid of that...afraid that the race is just too much....and even if i win this race some might be dissapointed anyway....so i dunno what is the best way...

as much as i try to avoid some realities i am more and more convinced that an uppfront and clear discussion about it would lighten my burden...it shouldn't be the end of the world...but still, being afraid to dissapoint is making it a hell of a lot harder to talk about it....

acting like this doesn't exist and i don't care and i don't worry about it won't make it easier anyways....

so the typical solution of shoving stuff under the carpet and pretending they are not there doesn't seem to work...

it's way easier to write...at least it exists there somewhere...

a friend said to me that it is actually the things we write about that we are going to remember in years because we succeed in freezing that feeling, that particular moment....

hope that no one gets dissapointed on the way....

me following that way.....

freeze time....

2008-11-26T15:03:00.000-08:00

tonight was a wonderful night...one of the most beautiful moments in a long time...nothing special, just cosy and feeling as if the world was mine....and maybe it is :) maybe it stands in our power to conquer the world....

and i would have liked to freeze time...for just one second...to always remember that special feeling of being loved by the ones i love...maybe loved is a too intense word...but having people around for who you are important and that value you for what you are...

it just makes all the tough things fade away..and tonight i am not going to panic over my damn thesis....i think i could write one about the art of getting to know people....

i love people..i couldn't live without them...i think i wrote that some times before..but it's true, miruna wouldn't be herself alone, having no friends....

good night sweet ones!

different paths...

2008-11-25T14:49:00.000-08:00

i was wondering about the special people in one's life.....

we go around and interract with different people and create bonds with them more or less...depending on the situation, which point in life we find ourselves, which type of relationship we have with them etc...

and at some point our paths of life interract...and they interract for a certain period of time..and then out of reasons that aren't entirely up to us always become separated again. and yes it is frustrating and scary and cruel and mean...but it's just how it is....

and the question is...are the paths coming to interract again in future? we might never know...
it is a strange period right now in the sense that a lot of people in my life are going to take different paths and i can't really know what is going to happen after that....are we really going to keep in touch, are we going to see eachother.....

i had the exact same problem a couple of years ago...and it was pretty devastating....i still don't have a solution to that...i moved and suddenly in one week time the dear ones were not there anymore....all my lifelong friends, my loves and childhood romances the big family around the christmas table, my sister....

i still try to keep in touch more or less with everyone dear to my heart....i fail to do that sometimes and i am sorry..sorry because it doesn't mean i care less....
however words are not deeds...and i try not to take people for granted...it fails often...

in the same time there are a few persons that can make time stop and that can make me feel that it doesn't matter if 2 years go by..they are always going to be there for me.....

this blog is for you...everybody i left behind and i still think about...and everybody who is going to take some other path in the next months....

you have a place in my heart....

and i hope to have a small one in yours....

2008-11-20T15:44:00.001-08:00

hate to pretend...

being critical....

2008-11-18T00:45:00.000-08:00

after yesteday's blogg i received some critics on the way i was writing about it...and then i did start to wonder if i was being hard and unrealistic...and after a good night sleep and some good thinking yes, you are right....

the thing is that everyone tries to define oneself in some particular way and it's not an easy task...we often fail to understand completely what defines us...and in our search we try to be like that, like that or like that...and it's a loooong search....

we are not perfect, i am not perfect and i currently try to find my own defining pieces of the puzzle. and yes there are different kinds of people on the world and the meaning is not to judge but look critical at it and accept it as it is. as long as you try to live your part of life at its best in whichever way this might be, care for the ones you love and create the environment that you value it doesn't is not such a catastrophe that the world has its slightly less pleasant characteristics....

expressing out some thoughts...

being selfish...

2008-11-17T14:25:00.000-08:00

i do believe that there is a slight feeling of selfishness in everyone of us...which comes out more or less at different points in life....what differs is that some of us have a very low controlable level of that and some of us have an outrageously high one!! it's just a natural instinct....

unselfish people get crushed by selfish individuals..and NO i am not only sounding mean..it's just blunt reality...

selfishness hurts...and especially when you realize that you can't change the people....and there you go, idealistic little miruna that always hopes for the best...here you have it...you have to learn to be like that....

is there any class at the university, the art of being selfish? i could enrole....they would probably accept me as the most naive applicant...

i don't think that there is a problem with being selfish as this is a thing that all of us have in a certain degree....but yes as a good friend said, the real issue is to see it and realize it with your own eyes and be able to work it out and perceive things from the other person's perspective...otherwise we would end up all alone in our selfishness, or we would end up hurting people constantly and not even be aware....

it sounds tough...don't really know where all this came from....i just came to think that all human relationships are build on give and receive actually...and if you just sit around and wait to receive and don't give nothing in exchange....well...i can't say that it is impossible...it is possible to live like that...but would we be happy? would we be in content with how life looks and the things that we believe in?

in the end people just get tired and walk away.....

oh wait...but we wouldn't give a damn about it either....

having a small hope...

not knowing...

2008-11-16T00:12:00.000-08:00

have you ever felt weird because you don't know how things are going to turn out? think back....it's everyday we meet with things that we have no idea about the possible outcome and that is sometimes scary sometimes challenging....

i find myself in the not knowing process....today my 6 weeks bachelor thesis period has officialy begun, no excuses anymore lil' lady...put your ass at work! (says a little devil behind my left ear)

but the point i wanna make is that i don't have any ideas on how it will turn out, i have an idea and a little personal dream:) we will see how it goes....but it feels scary, not knowing...not knowing if one is able to pull it through, not knowing what happens next....not knowing...am i doing right?

i guess the answer is just go for it start with something and you will see from there...but sometimes we are just way too closed in our cozy little world and we wanna know for sure....well, hello, we can't.....

and it's scary..i know i said it before but i wanna emphasize the scary part....
some say that writing the thesis is the most boring part of your education because you just sit there and panic all alone....

but here is a great big thank you for all of you that are in my life and that i meet everyday and make me remember: oh well...it's not that bad...you have them and in the end nothing can be better than to panic all together...haha

Good luck sweet ones!

so many things we don't know...

the art of being superficial.....

2008-11-15T02:15:00.000-08:00

i guess it's definetely an art that some of us do master at their best...and i don't mean to criticize i just mean to say that i hate superficiality....the people that only look at the outside and don't even bother to live a slightly deeper life...euhm...it's just their own choice, i know and i respect it but in the same time how? oh how can someone be so superficial i don't know.....

superficiality lives everywhere, beyond borders and has many forms. and usually if you are slightly interested in deeper things and try to be a bit different: try to say things are they are, talk about feelings, talk about the world, your own faith or any other things you see that you don't fit anymore...you don't fit anymore in that little already superficially shaped world...

life is so much that we don't know and think that it we would know everything it would be pretty boring...

maybe because we are scared of being hurt we are holding us far from what could hurt us....maybe it is like playing with fire...but we can't live a life always scared that something will hurt us...of course it will..otherwise we won't be alive...but as long as we learned something from it it has done at least some good...

and then you try to change the way things go as a brave hero and know more... show the world that there is another way....and you fail...but i won't give up, because that would be lying to myself and i am not going to do that one more day....so what if i get burned everytime i try to make the change...in the end it's just a matter of how you rise again...and in the end i am going to find the one that says: hey..i love you because you ARE like that...you're not alone anymore....

and i will say...where have you been all my life....

i don't know why...

2008-11-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

i really don't know why i wanted to take up again blogging....well the main reason is as most of you know i am going away for an exchange in England at the end of January....and maybe blogging is a good way for those all over the world to keep track of what you do....

anyways...i wanted to say that the last year has been one of the most wonderful years in my life....sometimes life turns in such ways that we really don't understand why and how....but later on we see that it was somehow for the best....the adventure that this last summer has signified for me and my family has made me believe that nothing is impossible if you just want to...if you don't..oh well...then pitty for you....but all i can say that if you have a dream hold on to that and try your best....but don't lie to yourself...that's one often mistake...don't lie to yourself and say that it's good like that with what you have because you are happy and cozy....strech out and reach for the unreachable as that could make you tones of times happier....and yes nothing is impossible...

sooner or later...today or tomorrow....now or over a couple of years....

time flies...

2007-05-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

today i just noticed how time flies....everyday passes by us with us being more or less conscious about it...
i've been in sweden for 9 months and hopefully it will be some more time....meanwhile i am going home over the summer? but actually would that be my home? will i be feeling like home there? i've been feeling like home here, knowing lovely people that have really really been a pleasure to be around....
and now home? well the first image is my old red room, with the smell of candles i always have there, with the black old piano that reminds me of my childhood and the tone of clothes i have back home....but it is just material stuff....just stuff that i thought i could never live without and now after 9 months i can say that i can live a lifetime without them....
my parents....they are my home....but i am gonna see them in 3 weeks....
this sweden experience has really changed my perspective about what is more important in life...and it sounds maybe a triffel but actually i learned a pretty important thing...time is so short that you have to make the best of it and prioritize...you can't just go on thinking that you have the whole life ahead of you to do one thing or another....cuz you just might not know what tomorrow means....where tomorrow leads or who does tomorrow bring in your life.. it is all a matter of choice and each point can lead to some other one...you can just hope for the best way and that you will have TIME to lay back and say...i've been happy....

oneself...

2007-05-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

before any kind of human interaction, one goes through a period when you don't know how to behave or to react...and even more when it is related to feelings....that just puts more pressure into the whole issue...
you fear that you will say the wrong things and that the other significant other won't like you but actually it is way better to be yourself....
sounds easier said than done.....
i have always loved this pre-period before a relationship and i consider it being one of the most beautiful things there are...it is a game - to give and receive, to act....but for how long?
actually why should you bother impress someone or be sth that you are not...actually at the end of the day when they realize that you were not like that you just create dissapointment....
but how do we interpretate signs? well i dunno....if i knew i wouldn't have been sitting here with my blog and i would be selling best-sellers on how to gain one's heart?
but i am no scientist.....i am just a girl hoping that same day i will get my prince charming on a white horse even if he might be not so handsome and riding a used bike.....
maybe the world would be so much easier if we all just started going out on the street and crying out hej mister!!! stop and give me a chance cuz i do like you!!! take my hand and just walk with me on this :)

well that would relaly be crazy wouldn't it?....where would all the romantic part have gone? the game, the tackling, the dreams, the waiting and moreover...the funny butterflies and the smile on your face :)

rewarding day....

2007-04-28T11:02:00.001-07:00

and here it was....as incredible as it might have seemed some time ago i became 21 somewhere else than home...and i got the most incredible present one could imagine...a lot of my friends around me...

i am actually a really lucky person to have so many people around because i cannot live without them...and it is not just a cliche...

there had been so many memories from last year in my mind during this time, but somehow i managed to overcome all my fears and have a great time with them :)
it feels great and if it is one thing that i have learned this year here is that you cannot live without people...or at least i cannot...

every person has some moments of solitude when he/she wants to be alone to run and don't look back, don't give any explanations and just hear the inner thoughts...and i have had those too....but noticed that it doesn't last too long...as soon as i realize that i end up seeking for company, advice, or just presence....

one would say: why do you need so many people when you have the loved one near you? well....you know...sometimes if you haven't found that special half for yourself then you might as well fall inlove with the people around you....cuz they won't let you down...and even if they do eveybody deserves second chances....i do too....

thank you for being there...

expectations...

2007-03-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

i just hate people that judge....who are u to say what one should do or shouldn't? i mean at the end of the day we are all exactly the same...people with feelings, strenghts and weeknesses....being inlove, being childish, arguing, expressing arguments.....
i am not the persone to judge but i only wonder...what are my own expectations about life? what do i want of my life and of the one who stands by me...i want him to complete me and to teach me but in the same way be up to his own expectations...i would never see myself doing stupid things and then rely on him to solve it...i mean i have to take care of my own self and in the same time show a little bit of femininity, love, intelligence and most of all careness....
i dunno if this post has any sense...it is just a question inside me...how can someone accept so little around him/her....i mean one's expectations should be higher....or maybe it is just a mirror of that own person.....

following one of the possible paths of my life...

alla hjärtans dag....

2007-02-14T03:07:00.000-08:00

so, the big day is here....14 february....

not at all cold outside, snow is slowly melting away....does it feel otherwise just because it is 14 february? not at all...and i begin to wonder: to have somebody to love beside u is one thing you should celebrate every day and cherish because it is one of the most beautiful things in the world...

when you are away from the family and in a far away land that has become little like my home :) every smile and friendship matters....

so i use this "'special'' day to thank everyone i met here and that made my stay absolutely fabulous.....

may you all have a great day even if you haven't found the love of your lives yet.....open your eyes....it might just be there waiting for you to come around..!!! and if not, don't give up cuz you haven't got anything to lose! :)

breaking down the wall...

2007-02-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

the coldness of that day made her think at him...actually she was used to doing that everyday, conscious or not about it he was there in her mind...

she had seem him some time ago, but everytime she didn't manage to say anything...she was just petrified...

first time she couldn't find any words so she smiled. and he smiled back....which made her day...and one day they started talking, small words, meaningless and smile to eachother...they say that a smile can mean a lot of things, for her it was her world..just see that smile and be able to smile back... but it was hard. He acted as he was behind a very big and powerful wall which couldn't be broken down...she would have liked to show him who she really is and discover what was behind the wall...

suddenly that day, the shining sun over the snow and the cold gave her hope....hope that one day she will break down the wall and warm up the cold ice....

she had so much to give and no one to give to....and she still hopes...

ps: in the pic, me in the cold Swedish winter...

a torment of the soul....

2007-02-02T23:50:00.001-08:00

why should one even bother to be as the others like him/her to be? why should you try to attract someone's attention by doing unnatural things? at the end of the day you have to be yourself because this is what makes you so attractive....and the masks fall down...
yes you are not perfect, yes maybe you don't dress in trend or maybe your walk is not perfect or maybe the music you listen to s**ks but some day you will find that person that considers you simply adorable...nothing less or nothing more....

and the road is not easy....but don't you give up because you will regret it some day....

at times like these i got really melacholic because it is the first in a considerable number of years that i am not home celebrating the birtdays of my dear friends.....but that if life...somehow my road brought me here..and somehow it will bring me to you too...

and all i can do is try...

smålands and sivans...

2007-01-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

this post is for all the people i met during this semester at sivans even if they are from smålands or not...:) they are all incredible people and they are really trying to keep this going so that the campus will have a nice place to go to on a saturday night...:P

one of my first days here i decided to buy a nation card for smålands, so i did.....great choice:)
after a while i started to work at sivans and i have to say that there have been some really really nice nights....

of course you are awfully tired after one whole night there but u meet a lot of people, have fun, enjoy and speak a little swedish....

i must say that at first i thought more exchange students would use to opportunity to find some swedes in this way...because we all know it is not that easy....but somehow they aren't so many...

det känns jättebra nu, när jag känner några av er och kan säga: titta, jag jobbade med dig :P :P:P
jag tycker om att vara där och jag har verkligen lärt mig att man kan göra massa roliga saker för att skafa lite erfarenhet och för att få nya vänner och inte alls för pengar....för pengarna är faktiskt inte så viktiga.....det är klart att man kan inte leva utan det men till slut när jag går till sängs, är jag lycklig för jag träffade er...

tack tack och hoppas vi ses nästa termin även om jag ska börja jobba på riktigt... :P:P

dare to try...

2007-01-14T06:44:00.000-08:00

great experience....these photos were taken on friday, in Leonardo room in our university Växjö, with the occasion of the Tyska - Språkdag...

if it wasn't for my friend Lavinia i would have never been there so THANK YOU a lot!!!

it was a great experience indeed, everybody talked about their relation to german language for future students. Lavi talked about her experience and the way german was useful in her work. I was the only person there who couldn't speak a word german but i could say a few things in swedish about my time here...:) it was incredible really talking in front of 2 hundred people....

somehow i feel that we have really progressed a lot during this time here and that it can only get better since we have some more time and a whole new semester ahead of us...

and somehow i remembered my first day in sweden last summer when i met a guy from Skåne and wasn't able to understand anything of what he was saying.....no it is totally different....:)

the moral out of this is dare to try to want for yourself something that is better and that you know you will accomplish, even though it takes a lot of work and time...nothing is impossible...with will, work, friendship and optimism everything will turn out just fine :):):)

the reason...

2007-01-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

Someone really dear to my heart told me that i am in the middle of my life's adventure. This person is right....I am a 20 year old girl living in Sweden for an exchange programme...This past semester has been amazing and i have met people and seen great places all over the world...The world is so big that you may never know where you will settle down at some point in your life...

At some point everyone around me decided to have a blog so here is mine....
I can't really explain why i decided to write...Sometimes we feel that we know the reason why some things happen but in reality it is never like that...you only realize it long after...
and sometimes your wish is not granted right away and you fullfill it only when you least expect it....

my advice is....smile more often, cuz you might just meet the man of your dreams at the corner of the street, be positive about everything and dare to try....
don't regret the things that you did not even do....

so here i am, some time more in Sweden daring to be myself in a different world and daring to make the others smile with me.....:):)