never say never...

Recently came back from romania…and if I learned one thing from this short trip back home is that I will never say never again...cuz some things are just meant to happen…and when they do stop trying to stop them or fight them…cuz they will happen anyways in one way or another...and you may end up happier if you don’t go against your feelings…
Yes one could argue that emotions should be restrained cuz it’s not always the best way to follow the heart…but hello! If you don’t live after your emotions…do you really live? and who says which is the best way? That is one question…

No regrets…

hope....

there is hope...

too feel vulnerable...

how vulnerable can one be when it comes to feelings....
some say it's better not to talk about delicate matters but i can't do that cuz i feel that it becomes such a greater burden if you go on and ignore it....
and then you open up, and that doesn't necessarily make it easier...it makes you feel vulnerable and scared....

tillbakablick...

i began my swedish experience two and a half years ago....back then i had no idea how would this end up, that i was going to stay a bit more than i expected..:)
it is a challenge when you move to a new place and you want to meet people and be social and build up your world and it often takes more time than you expect...
i will always remember some of my beginning moments and the choire VUSK has represented a lot in my life here....
if it hadn't been for it i wouldn't have met all these wonderful people that are in my life in different ways...it's been a difficult journey and whenever i needed help one of them was there....
we have had the most amazing parties together, the best concerts and beautiful atmosphere that one could ever imagine...
yesterday was the christmas party which was also my last party with the choire...and on the way home i began to cry like a baby....it was a night full of emotions :) but i realized that it was also happy tears....for all this time, all the marvelous mondays that will never be the same without the choire...

i stand here in front of a new road that has just opened up and i am anxious and curios and happy, but in the same time i cannot help thinking of all the things and people that i am going to miss....

you will be in my heart....

the call...

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..

absolutely true and beautiful...

communication is the key!

this is almost worth a new blog for today :) hihi....
i learned a really really good lesson this last week...that communication is the key to success in anything, wheater it's about a discussion with your significant other, a delicate matter with your friends or maybe just find out the answer to a delicate question...
we can go on and on trying to analyze and overanalyze and get really really crazy not being able to come to understanding..and the answer is most often there just waiting for you to take up courage and put a question....
you maybe already know the answer...but maybe you don't! so why continue wondering??
of course the level of adrenaline goes waaaay beyond normal levels...but after that..you feel soooo relieved that it is definetely worthwhile...
dare to try...it's not thaaat hard...and it can be good...and for people who don't appreciate it...well..they will eventually when they realize that it's sooo much more stressful to wonder around...
it can be the end of countless wonders, the solution to a stressful problem, the beginning of a beautiful friendship or God only knows what you make of it!

to believe....

sometimes the dearest friends remind you that you should continue believing in your own dreams even if they seem faaar-fetched and hard to make them into reality.....
but i will be damned if i give up...not now when i am sooooo close to get it done....
and next year i will have the loved ones in my new home...or else i wouldn't be miruna...

keep believing and don't give up!

there is nothing more beautiful than caring....

i was actually surprised by a lot of things these last two days....
one of them was too see how much i do mean for people....and how much they mean to me....
yesterday at about 11.30 my mom calls and we sit a bit and talk and i was kinda sad that their car had a problem so we would see eachother next year...literally...cuz i am going home for christmas....oh....it's complicated....more about christmas in a future blog....
and then i hang up and feel a bit sad, as i said and in 5 minutes the phone rings again......hey miru? look we've thought about it and we come anyways over just for saturday cuz we can't really not see you until next year....
and that's when i felt....all this trouble, all these things that we have fought for under the last period it's ALL worth it! cuz having someone who loves you and cares about you is one of the best gifts anyone could wish for on Saint Nikolas day!
it makes life just suddenly much more positive! and of course...i have no idea if this adventure will continue like this..or what will happen in a few months....but hey...it doesn't really matter as long as we have eachother and they are just a phone-call away....

no i am just going to be happy and dance the joydance a bit! :):)
luv you and hope for a nice Saint Nikolas day!

tears...

have you ever been impresed by something to tears?
i am person who actually cries a lot but sometimes there is nothing more beautiful than in a weird way the so called happy tears....
i dunno how to explain the feeling...it's the feeling that that something feels so wonderful that you burst into tears....
and tears can't lie....they are one of the most beautiful proofs of the fact that we are humans and sensitive to things that we do care about....

and we are going to care about even if the reality sometimes is giving us hard times....

we make our own reality tough...

being your own arbiter...

in class today we talked about arbitrary decisions....two parties have this problem and they let an unbiased arbiter decide what they should do....

this arbiter doesn't have any laws according to which it should decide but only what is the best resolution out of the reality at stake...

it made me wonder how sometimes we would really need a personal arbiter....someone who could decide for us in certain matters what is to be done and what is to be avoided. i know this might sound crazy but how many times have we not been able to sleep because of a certain problem? or tries to figure out a resolution we never come to in the end?

some would argue...the arbiter can't know better about my life....but sometimes utopically speaking an unbiased opinion would be fantastic!

utopically again, cuz this is impossible and at the end of the day we ourselves are our own little arbiter that puts the negative and positive issues of a problem and choses what to do about it....

now between the heart and the mind which struggle all the time about which should be the arbiter, well that is way to complicated for one to decide...as long as it is professional - the mind is of greater help as long as its personal it is the heart...

but this simple rule fails so damn constantly that we end up in square one....
and then what to do?

hire an well-trained and profesionally skilled arbiter i would suggest!

good luck!

just simple...

have you ever been inlove with a song for some time that you haven't been able to take it out from the winamp playing list?
i think this is the most simple and absolutely fabulous song in a long time...sometimes music can say so much with so little....
hope that some day i will be able to put out my own song and play the keyboard for hours like in old times....






it was love at first sight (hear) between me and anna ternheim :)

one thing that was missing...

you know when you think back at the last year or so...maybe it is because it is december and i am trying to figure out my new year's resolutions + my christmas secret wish list....

hihi...well those lists would defintely be tooooo long...just kidding....
anyways, the one thing that was actually missing this year was travelling...my whole life has been just a huge travelling phase, travelling with my parents when i was a kid, touring around with the choire back home thorough the whole Europe, international language schools, sweden...which ended up moving here....

i don't really want to move somewhere else...but i miss seeing places, going and fooling around on the streets with dear ones, just enjoying the feelings that that particular place offers....
i'm not so much a tourist type, rather a "feeling the place" type...i love to walk around and just look around...

therefore i was thinking that next spring will mean a whole lot of travelling worthy of saving some money for:

england: i really want to explore everything about it and make tours all the way to ireland! london - it has to be absolutely fantastic....
italy: rome will not be missed and napoli...
france: some of my dearest friends will be there!
maroko: here i come...i will have to fresh up the little but valuable arabic i can!
sweden : oh yes, i do have to come back and visit some dear people in my short holiday :):)
US: last but not least...NEW YORK!! 6 months more without my sister and it's unbearable...

haha....when i look back at the list, it's pretty long and it's pretty utopic....
but hey...what are dreams for?

make dreams reality....

terrible headache...

well from all the thoughts that flow through my mind, the stress and the tones of things to fix i ended up having a huge headache today...

i guess one should tell himself more often, take a deep breath and relax...there is no need to stress out.....or yes...there is...there are only 3 weeks left and i still feel completely paralyzed regarding this thesis...

in need for a helping hand....

over and out...