en glass av rodvin på en lördag kväll...

i am looking at this red wine glass....does the truth lies in it? i dunno...defintetly not my point to sort it out....
am just raising this glass to all the fine moments i've lived in these last 3 years almost...seems completely insane how everything can change in just a short time....and yes some people never cease to surprise me and show me that it is really meant to be around in their life....

i was reading the first posts from when i moved here and i can hardly recognize myself in them...
now i am dreaming at my own place and dreaming of the life that stands and waits just around the corner...what will it bring? hmmm...i dunno and i don't even dare to think....i have the plans all sorted out but how to make it happen..hmm...keep on walking and fighting i guess...

the thing is that i never want to say that i regret something of the last 2 months in this period....not one thing....we will see how that goes....

cheers and skål to a absolutely fabulous time in my life!

being afraid to dissapoint....

have you been afraid to disspoint? afraid to dissapoint your friends, your family and everyone.....everyone that trusts in you and has the high hopes and still you can't fail to dissapoint them at some point...

i am afraid of that...afraid that the race is just too much....and even if i win this race some might be dissapointed anyway....so i dunno what is the best way...

as much as i try to avoid some realities i am more and more convinced that an uppfront and clear discussion about it would lighten my burden...it shouldn't be the end of the world...but still, being afraid to dissapoint is making it a hell of a lot harder to talk about it....

acting like this doesn't exist and i don't care and i don't worry about it won't make it easier anyways....

so the typical solution of shoving stuff under the carpet and pretending they are not there doesn't seem to work...

it's way easier to write...at least it exists there somewhere...

a friend said to me that it is actually the things we write about that we are going to remember in years because we succeed in freezing that feeling, that particular moment....

hope that no one gets dissapointed on the way....

me following that way.....

freeze time....

tonight was a wonderful night...one of the most beautiful moments in a long time...nothing special, just cosy and feeling as if the world was mine....and maybe it is :) maybe it stands in our power to conquer the world....

and i would have liked to freeze time...for just one second...to always remember that special feeling of being loved by the ones i love...maybe loved is a too intense word...but having people around for who you are important and that value you for what you are...

it just makes all the tough things fade away..and tonight i am not going to panic over my damn thesis....i think i could write one about the art of getting to know people....

i love people..i couldn't live without them...i think i wrote that some times before..but it's true, miruna wouldn't be herself alone, having no friends....

good night sweet ones!

different paths...

i was wondering about the special people in one's life.....

we go around and interract with different people and create bonds with them more or less...depending on the situation, which point in life we find ourselves, which type of relationship we have with them etc...

and at some point our paths of life interract...and they interract for a certain period of time..and then out of reasons that aren't entirely up to us always become separated again. and yes it is frustrating and scary and cruel and mean...but it's just how it is....

and the question is...are the paths coming to interract again in future? we might never know...
it is a strange period right now in the sense that a lot of people in my life are going to take different paths and i can't really know what is going to happen after that....are we really going to keep in touch, are we going to see eachother.....



i had the exact same problem a couple of years ago...and it was pretty devastating....i still don't have a solution to that...i moved and suddenly in one week time the dear ones were not there anymore....all my lifelong friends, my loves and childhood romances the big family around the christmas table, my sister....


i still try to keep in touch more or less with everyone dear to my heart....i fail to do that sometimes and i am sorry..sorry because it doesn't mean i care less....
however words are not deeds...and i try not to take people for granted...it fails often...

in the same time there are a few persons that can make time stop and that can make me feel that it doesn't matter if 2 years go by..they are always going to be there for me.....

this blog is for you...everybody i left behind and i still think about...and everybody who is going to take some other path in the next months....

you have a place in my heart....

and i hope to have a small one in yours....

hate to pretend...

being critical....

after yesteday's blogg i received some critics on the way i was writing about it...and then i did start to wonder if i was being hard and unrealistic...and after a good night sleep and some good thinking yes, you are right....

the thing is that everyone tries to define oneself in some particular way and it's not an easy task...we often fail to understand completely what defines us...and in our search we try to be like that, like that or like that...and it's a loooong search....

we are not perfect, i am not perfect and i currently try to find my own defining pieces of the puzzle. and yes there are different kinds of people on the world and the meaning is not to judge but look critical at it and accept it as it is. as long as you try to live your part of life at its best in whichever way this might be, care for the ones you love and create the environment that you value it doesn't is not such a catastrophe that the world has its slightly less pleasant characteristics....

expressing out some thoughts...

being selfish...

i do believe that there is a slight feeling of selfishness in everyone of us...which comes out more or less at different points in life....what differs is that some of us have a very low controlable level of that and some of us have an outrageously high one!! it's just a natural instinct....

unselfish people get crushed by selfish individuals..and NO i am not only sounding mean..it's just blunt reality...

selfishness hurts...and especially when you realize that you can't change the people....and there you go, idealistic little miruna that always hopes for the best...here you have it...you have to learn to be like that....

is there any class at the university, the art of being selfish? i could enrole....they would probably accept me as the most naive applicant...

i don't think that there is a problem with being selfish as this is a thing that all of us have in a certain degree....but yes as a good friend said, the real issue is to see it and realize it with your own eyes and be able to work it out and perceive things from the other person's perspective...otherwise we would end up all alone in our selfishness, or we would end up hurting people constantly and not even be aware....

it sounds tough...don't really know where all this came from....i just came to think that all human relationships are build on give and receive actually...and if you just sit around and wait to receive and don't give nothing in exchange....well...i can't say that it is impossible...it is possible to live like that...but would we be happy? would we be in content with how life looks and the things that we believe in?

in the end people just get tired and walk away.....

oh wait...but we wouldn't give a damn about it either....

having a small hope...

not knowing...

have you ever felt weird because you don't know how things are going to turn out? think back....it's everyday we meet with things that we have no idea about the possible outcome and that is sometimes scary sometimes challenging....

i find myself in the not knowing process....today my 6 weeks bachelor thesis period has officialy begun, no excuses anymore lil' lady...put your ass at work! (says a little devil behind my left ear)

but the point i wanna make is that i don't have any ideas on how it will turn out, i have an idea and a little personal dream:) we will see how it goes....but it feels scary, not knowing...not knowing if one is able to pull it through, not knowing what happens next....not knowing...am i doing right?

i guess the answer is just go for it start with something and you will see from there...but sometimes we are just way too closed in our cozy little world and we wanna know for sure....well, hello, we can't.....

and it's scary..i know i said it before but i wanna emphasize the scary part....
some say that writing the thesis is the most boring part of your education because you just sit there and panic all alone....

but here is a great big thank you for all of you that are in my life and that i meet everyday and make me remember: oh well...it's not that bad...you have them and in the end nothing can be better than to panic all together...haha

Good luck sweet ones!

so many things we don't know...

the art of being superficial.....

i guess it's definetely an art that some of us do master at their best...and i don't mean to criticize i just mean to say that i hate superficiality....the people that only look at the outside and don't even bother to live a slightly deeper life...euhm...it's just their own choice, i know and i respect it but in the same time how? oh how can someone be so superficial i don't know.....

superficiality lives everywhere, beyond borders and has many forms. and usually if you are slightly interested in deeper things and try to be a bit different: try to say things are they are, talk about feelings, talk about the world, your own faith or any other things you see that you don't fit anymore...you don't fit anymore in that little already superficially shaped world...

life is so much that we don't know and think that it we would know everything it would be pretty boring...

maybe because we are scared of being hurt we are holding us far from what could hurt us....maybe it is like playing with fire...but we can't live a life always scared that something will hurt us...of course it will..otherwise we won't be alive...but as long as we learned something from it it has done at least some good...

and then you try to change the way things go as a brave hero and know more... show the world that there is another way....and you fail...but i won't give up, because that would be lying to myself and i am not going to do that one more day....so what if i get burned everytime i try to make the change...in the end it's just a matter of how you rise again...and in the end i am going to find the one that says: hey..i love you because you ARE like that...you're not alone anymore....

and i will say...where have you been all my life....

i don't know why...

i really don't know why i wanted to take up again blogging....well the main reason is as most of you know i am going away for an exchange in England at the end of January....and maybe blogging is a good way for those all over the world to keep track of what you do....

anyways...i wanted to say that the last year has been one of the most wonderful years in my life....sometimes life turns in such ways that we really don't understand why and how....but later on we see that it was somehow for the best....the adventure that this last summer has signified for me and my family has made me believe that nothing is impossible if you just want to...if you don't..oh well...then pitty for you....but all i can say that if you have a dream hold on to that and try your best....but don't lie to yourself...that's one often mistake...don't lie to yourself and say that it's good like that with what you have because you are happy and cozy....strech out and reach for the unreachable as that could make you tones of times happier....and yes nothing is impossible...

sooner or later...today or tomorrow....now or over a couple of years....