never say never...

Recently came back from romania…and if I learned one thing from this short trip back home is that I will never say never again...cuz some things are just meant to happen…and when they do stop trying to stop them or fight them…cuz they will happen anyways in one way or another...and you may end up happier if you don’t go against your feelings…
Yes one could argue that emotions should be restrained cuz it’s not always the best way to follow the heart…but hello! If you don’t live after your emotions…do you really live? and who says which is the best way? That is one question…

No regrets…

hope....

there is hope...

too feel vulnerable...

how vulnerable can one be when it comes to feelings....
some say it's better not to talk about delicate matters but i can't do that cuz i feel that it becomes such a greater burden if you go on and ignore it....
and then you open up, and that doesn't necessarily make it easier...it makes you feel vulnerable and scared....

tillbakablick...

i began my swedish experience two and a half years ago....back then i had no idea how would this end up, that i was going to stay a bit more than i expected..:)
it is a challenge when you move to a new place and you want to meet people and be social and build up your world and it often takes more time than you expect...
i will always remember some of my beginning moments and the choire VUSK has represented a lot in my life here....
if it hadn't been for it i wouldn't have met all these wonderful people that are in my life in different ways...it's been a difficult journey and whenever i needed help one of them was there....
we have had the most amazing parties together, the best concerts and beautiful atmosphere that one could ever imagine...
yesterday was the christmas party which was also my last party with the choire...and on the way home i began to cry like a baby....it was a night full of emotions :) but i realized that it was also happy tears....for all this time, all the marvelous mondays that will never be the same without the choire...

i stand here in front of a new road that has just opened up and i am anxious and curios and happy, but in the same time i cannot help thinking of all the things and people that i am going to miss....

you will be in my heart....

the call...

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..

absolutely true and beautiful...

communication is the key!

this is almost worth a new blog for today :) hihi....
i learned a really really good lesson this last week...that communication is the key to success in anything, wheater it's about a discussion with your significant other, a delicate matter with your friends or maybe just find out the answer to a delicate question...
we can go on and on trying to analyze and overanalyze and get really really crazy not being able to come to understanding..and the answer is most often there just waiting for you to take up courage and put a question....
you maybe already know the answer...but maybe you don't! so why continue wondering??
of course the level of adrenaline goes waaaay beyond normal levels...but after that..you feel soooo relieved that it is definetely worthwhile...
dare to try...it's not thaaat hard...and it can be good...and for people who don't appreciate it...well..they will eventually when they realize that it's sooo much more stressful to wonder around...
it can be the end of countless wonders, the solution to a stressful problem, the beginning of a beautiful friendship or God only knows what you make of it!

to believe....

sometimes the dearest friends remind you that you should continue believing in your own dreams even if they seem faaar-fetched and hard to make them into reality.....
but i will be damned if i give up...not now when i am sooooo close to get it done....
and next year i will have the loved ones in my new home...or else i wouldn't be miruna...

keep believing and don't give up!

there is nothing more beautiful than caring....

i was actually surprised by a lot of things these last two days....
one of them was too see how much i do mean for people....and how much they mean to me....
yesterday at about 11.30 my mom calls and we sit a bit and talk and i was kinda sad that their car had a problem so we would see eachother next year...literally...cuz i am going home for christmas....oh....it's complicated....more about christmas in a future blog....
and then i hang up and feel a bit sad, as i said and in 5 minutes the phone rings again......hey miru? look we've thought about it and we come anyways over just for saturday cuz we can't really not see you until next year....
and that's when i felt....all this trouble, all these things that we have fought for under the last period it's ALL worth it! cuz having someone who loves you and cares about you is one of the best gifts anyone could wish for on Saint Nikolas day!
it makes life just suddenly much more positive! and of course...i have no idea if this adventure will continue like this..or what will happen in a few months....but hey...it doesn't really matter as long as we have eachother and they are just a phone-call away....

no i am just going to be happy and dance the joydance a bit! :):)
luv you and hope for a nice Saint Nikolas day!

tears...

have you ever been impresed by something to tears?
i am person who actually cries a lot but sometimes there is nothing more beautiful than in a weird way the so called happy tears....
i dunno how to explain the feeling...it's the feeling that that something feels so wonderful that you burst into tears....
and tears can't lie....they are one of the most beautiful proofs of the fact that we are humans and sensitive to things that we do care about....

and we are going to care about even if the reality sometimes is giving us hard times....

we make our own reality tough...

being your own arbiter...

in class today we talked about arbitrary decisions....two parties have this problem and they let an unbiased arbiter decide what they should do....

this arbiter doesn't have any laws according to which it should decide but only what is the best resolution out of the reality at stake...

it made me wonder how sometimes we would really need a personal arbiter....someone who could decide for us in certain matters what is to be done and what is to be avoided. i know this might sound crazy but how many times have we not been able to sleep because of a certain problem? or tries to figure out a resolution we never come to in the end?

some would argue...the arbiter can't know better about my life....but sometimes utopically speaking an unbiased opinion would be fantastic!

utopically again, cuz this is impossible and at the end of the day we ourselves are our own little arbiter that puts the negative and positive issues of a problem and choses what to do about it....

now between the heart and the mind which struggle all the time about which should be the arbiter, well that is way to complicated for one to decide...as long as it is professional - the mind is of greater help as long as its personal it is the heart...

but this simple rule fails so damn constantly that we end up in square one....
and then what to do?

hire an well-trained and profesionally skilled arbiter i would suggest!

good luck!

just simple...

have you ever been inlove with a song for some time that you haven't been able to take it out from the winamp playing list?
i think this is the most simple and absolutely fabulous song in a long time...sometimes music can say so much with so little....
hope that some day i will be able to put out my own song and play the keyboard for hours like in old times....






it was love at first sight (hear) between me and anna ternheim :)

one thing that was missing...

you know when you think back at the last year or so...maybe it is because it is december and i am trying to figure out my new year's resolutions + my christmas secret wish list....

hihi...well those lists would defintely be tooooo long...just kidding....
anyways, the one thing that was actually missing this year was travelling...my whole life has been just a huge travelling phase, travelling with my parents when i was a kid, touring around with the choire back home thorough the whole Europe, international language schools, sweden...which ended up moving here....

i don't really want to move somewhere else...but i miss seeing places, going and fooling around on the streets with dear ones, just enjoying the feelings that that particular place offers....
i'm not so much a tourist type, rather a "feeling the place" type...i love to walk around and just look around...

therefore i was thinking that next spring will mean a whole lot of travelling worthy of saving some money for:

england: i really want to explore everything about it and make tours all the way to ireland! london - it has to be absolutely fantastic....
italy: rome will not be missed and napoli...
france: some of my dearest friends will be there!
maroko: here i come...i will have to fresh up the little but valuable arabic i can!
sweden : oh yes, i do have to come back and visit some dear people in my short holiday :):)
US: last but not least...NEW YORK!! 6 months more without my sister and it's unbearable...

haha....when i look back at the list, it's pretty long and it's pretty utopic....
but hey...what are dreams for?

make dreams reality....

terrible headache...

well from all the thoughts that flow through my mind, the stress and the tones of things to fix i ended up having a huge headache today...

i guess one should tell himself more often, take a deep breath and relax...there is no need to stress out.....or yes...there is...there are only 3 weeks left and i still feel completely paralyzed regarding this thesis...

in need for a helping hand....

over and out...

en glass av rodvin på en lördag kväll...

i am looking at this red wine glass....does the truth lies in it? i dunno...defintetly not my point to sort it out....
am just raising this glass to all the fine moments i've lived in these last 3 years almost...seems completely insane how everything can change in just a short time....and yes some people never cease to surprise me and show me that it is really meant to be around in their life....

i was reading the first posts from when i moved here and i can hardly recognize myself in them...
now i am dreaming at my own place and dreaming of the life that stands and waits just around the corner...what will it bring? hmmm...i dunno and i don't even dare to think....i have the plans all sorted out but how to make it happen..hmm...keep on walking and fighting i guess...

the thing is that i never want to say that i regret something of the last 2 months in this period....not one thing....we will see how that goes....

cheers and skål to a absolutely fabulous time in my life!

being afraid to dissapoint....

have you been afraid to disspoint? afraid to dissapoint your friends, your family and everyone.....everyone that trusts in you and has the high hopes and still you can't fail to dissapoint them at some point...

i am afraid of that...afraid that the race is just too much....and even if i win this race some might be dissapointed anyway....so i dunno what is the best way...

as much as i try to avoid some realities i am more and more convinced that an uppfront and clear discussion about it would lighten my burden...it shouldn't be the end of the world...but still, being afraid to dissapoint is making it a hell of a lot harder to talk about it....

acting like this doesn't exist and i don't care and i don't worry about it won't make it easier anyways....

so the typical solution of shoving stuff under the carpet and pretending they are not there doesn't seem to work...

it's way easier to write...at least it exists there somewhere...

a friend said to me that it is actually the things we write about that we are going to remember in years because we succeed in freezing that feeling, that particular moment....

hope that no one gets dissapointed on the way....

me following that way.....

freeze time....

tonight was a wonderful night...one of the most beautiful moments in a long time...nothing special, just cosy and feeling as if the world was mine....and maybe it is :) maybe it stands in our power to conquer the world....

and i would have liked to freeze time...for just one second...to always remember that special feeling of being loved by the ones i love...maybe loved is a too intense word...but having people around for who you are important and that value you for what you are...

it just makes all the tough things fade away..and tonight i am not going to panic over my damn thesis....i think i could write one about the art of getting to know people....

i love people..i couldn't live without them...i think i wrote that some times before..but it's true, miruna wouldn't be herself alone, having no friends....

good night sweet ones!

different paths...

i was wondering about the special people in one's life.....

we go around and interract with different people and create bonds with them more or less...depending on the situation, which point in life we find ourselves, which type of relationship we have with them etc...

and at some point our paths of life interract...and they interract for a certain period of time..and then out of reasons that aren't entirely up to us always become separated again. and yes it is frustrating and scary and cruel and mean...but it's just how it is....

and the question is...are the paths coming to interract again in future? we might never know...
it is a strange period right now in the sense that a lot of people in my life are going to take different paths and i can't really know what is going to happen after that....are we really going to keep in touch, are we going to see eachother.....



i had the exact same problem a couple of years ago...and it was pretty devastating....i still don't have a solution to that...i moved and suddenly in one week time the dear ones were not there anymore....all my lifelong friends, my loves and childhood romances the big family around the christmas table, my sister....


i still try to keep in touch more or less with everyone dear to my heart....i fail to do that sometimes and i am sorry..sorry because it doesn't mean i care less....
however words are not deeds...and i try not to take people for granted...it fails often...

in the same time there are a few persons that can make time stop and that can make me feel that it doesn't matter if 2 years go by..they are always going to be there for me.....

this blog is for you...everybody i left behind and i still think about...and everybody who is going to take some other path in the next months....

you have a place in my heart....

and i hope to have a small one in yours....

hate to pretend...

being critical....

after yesteday's blogg i received some critics on the way i was writing about it...and then i did start to wonder if i was being hard and unrealistic...and after a good night sleep and some good thinking yes, you are right....

the thing is that everyone tries to define oneself in some particular way and it's not an easy task...we often fail to understand completely what defines us...and in our search we try to be like that, like that or like that...and it's a loooong search....

we are not perfect, i am not perfect and i currently try to find my own defining pieces of the puzzle. and yes there are different kinds of people on the world and the meaning is not to judge but look critical at it and accept it as it is. as long as you try to live your part of life at its best in whichever way this might be, care for the ones you love and create the environment that you value it doesn't is not such a catastrophe that the world has its slightly less pleasant characteristics....

expressing out some thoughts...

being selfish...

i do believe that there is a slight feeling of selfishness in everyone of us...which comes out more or less at different points in life....what differs is that some of us have a very low controlable level of that and some of us have an outrageously high one!! it's just a natural instinct....

unselfish people get crushed by selfish individuals..and NO i am not only sounding mean..it's just blunt reality...

selfishness hurts...and especially when you realize that you can't change the people....and there you go, idealistic little miruna that always hopes for the best...here you have it...you have to learn to be like that....

is there any class at the university, the art of being selfish? i could enrole....they would probably accept me as the most naive applicant...

i don't think that there is a problem with being selfish as this is a thing that all of us have in a certain degree....but yes as a good friend said, the real issue is to see it and realize it with your own eyes and be able to work it out and perceive things from the other person's perspective...otherwise we would end up all alone in our selfishness, or we would end up hurting people constantly and not even be aware....

it sounds tough...don't really know where all this came from....i just came to think that all human relationships are build on give and receive actually...and if you just sit around and wait to receive and don't give nothing in exchange....well...i can't say that it is impossible...it is possible to live like that...but would we be happy? would we be in content with how life looks and the things that we believe in?

in the end people just get tired and walk away.....

oh wait...but we wouldn't give a damn about it either....

having a small hope...

not knowing...

have you ever felt weird because you don't know how things are going to turn out? think back....it's everyday we meet with things that we have no idea about the possible outcome and that is sometimes scary sometimes challenging....

i find myself in the not knowing process....today my 6 weeks bachelor thesis period has officialy begun, no excuses anymore lil' lady...put your ass at work! (says a little devil behind my left ear)

but the point i wanna make is that i don't have any ideas on how it will turn out, i have an idea and a little personal dream:) we will see how it goes....but it feels scary, not knowing...not knowing if one is able to pull it through, not knowing what happens next....not knowing...am i doing right?

i guess the answer is just go for it start with something and you will see from there...but sometimes we are just way too closed in our cozy little world and we wanna know for sure....well, hello, we can't.....

and it's scary..i know i said it before but i wanna emphasize the scary part....
some say that writing the thesis is the most boring part of your education because you just sit there and panic all alone....

but here is a great big thank you for all of you that are in my life and that i meet everyday and make me remember: oh well...it's not that bad...you have them and in the end nothing can be better than to panic all together...haha

Good luck sweet ones!

so many things we don't know...

the art of being superficial.....

i guess it's definetely an art that some of us do master at their best...and i don't mean to criticize i just mean to say that i hate superficiality....the people that only look at the outside and don't even bother to live a slightly deeper life...euhm...it's just their own choice, i know and i respect it but in the same time how? oh how can someone be so superficial i don't know.....

superficiality lives everywhere, beyond borders and has many forms. and usually if you are slightly interested in deeper things and try to be a bit different: try to say things are they are, talk about feelings, talk about the world, your own faith or any other things you see that you don't fit anymore...you don't fit anymore in that little already superficially shaped world...

life is so much that we don't know and think that it we would know everything it would be pretty boring...

maybe because we are scared of being hurt we are holding us far from what could hurt us....maybe it is like playing with fire...but we can't live a life always scared that something will hurt us...of course it will..otherwise we won't be alive...but as long as we learned something from it it has done at least some good...

and then you try to change the way things go as a brave hero and know more... show the world that there is another way....and you fail...but i won't give up, because that would be lying to myself and i am not going to do that one more day....so what if i get burned everytime i try to make the change...in the end it's just a matter of how you rise again...and in the end i am going to find the one that says: hey..i love you because you ARE like that...you're not alone anymore....

and i will say...where have you been all my life....

i don't know why...

i really don't know why i wanted to take up again blogging....well the main reason is as most of you know i am going away for an exchange in England at the end of January....and maybe blogging is a good way for those all over the world to keep track of what you do....

anyways...i wanted to say that the last year has been one of the most wonderful years in my life....sometimes life turns in such ways that we really don't understand why and how....but later on we see that it was somehow for the best....the adventure that this last summer has signified for me and my family has made me believe that nothing is impossible if you just want to...if you don't..oh well...then pitty for you....but all i can say that if you have a dream hold on to that and try your best....but don't lie to yourself...that's one often mistake...don't lie to yourself and say that it's good like that with what you have because you are happy and cozy....strech out and reach for the unreachable as that could make you tones of times happier....and yes nothing is impossible...

sooner or later...today or tomorrow....now or over a couple of years....